IT'S NICE TO BE IMPORTANT...

But more important to be nice!

THERE IS NOTHING
  SO SMALL...

That it can't be blown way out of proportion!

THE ONLY TIME A WOMAN
  CAN CHANGE A MAN...

Is when he's a baby!

DON'T ANNOY THE CRAZY PERSON STARING AT THE
  COMPUTER...

$5.00 FINE FOR WHINING

YOU MAY BE ONLY ONE
  PERSON IN THE WORLD...

But you may be the world to one person!

THE WORLD'S MOST WIDELY
  USED COMPUTER LANGUAGE...

"@!@!*!*#?!!*!#@!"

  I DO NOT REPEAT GOSSIP...

So listen carefully!

  "OUTSIDE OF A DOG...

A book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog,
it's too dark to read!"

                                            ...Groucho Marx

WHAT IF THE HOKEY-POKEY IS REALLY WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT?

  RELAX AND TAKE HEART...

The only person who ever got all the work
done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe!

THIS ONLY LOOKS
  LIKE A DESK...

It's actually a large trash can with
drawers and four legs!

BE MODERATE IN
  ALL THINGS...

Especially moderation!

 I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU OUT...

Which way did you come in?

  YOU HAVE NOT LIVED...

Until you have done something for someone
who can never repay you!

THE BUCK DOESN'T EVEN SLOW DOWN HERE!

 MAY THIS HOUSE ALWAYS BE...

Too small to hold all our friends!

NEVER TRY TO TEACH
  A PIG TO SING...

It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig!

  A WOMAN...

Has to do twice as much as a man
to be considered half as good.
Fortunately, this isn't difficult!

  ALL I ASK FOR...

Is the chance to prove that money
cannot buy happiness!

  A LITTLE GRAY HAIR...

A small price to pay for wisdom!

NOT GETTING WHAT
  YOU WANT...

Is sometimes a remarkable stroke of luck!

I WELCOME YOUR ADVICE
  AND CRITICISM...

 And always rush them through the proper channels!
(one flush usually does it!)

RICHER THAN ME
  YOU WILL NEVER BE...

I had a mother who read to me!

  THERE IS MORE TO LIFE...

Than increasing its speed!

EVERYONE BRINGS ME
  HAPPINESS...

Some by arriving. Some by leaving!

IF THEY CAN PUT ONE MAN
  ON THE MOON...

Why not all of them!

THERE ARE THREE KINDS OF
  PEOPLE IN THE WORLD...

Those who can count, and those who can't!

  NEVER UNDERESTIMATE...

The power of stupid people in large groups!

THE MOST IMPORTANT
  THINGS IN LIFE...

Aren't really things at all.

  ALL MEN ARE ANIMALS...

Some just make better pets!

TREAT EACH DAY AS
  YOUR LAST...

Someday you'll be right!

NO ONE SHOULD BE CONSIDERED
COMPLETELY USELESS...

At the very least, they can serve as a bad example!

A GOOD EXERCISE FOR
  THE HEART...

Is to bend down and help another up!

  REACH FOR THE SKY...

Even if you happen to miss,
you'll still be among the stars!

 SORRY, I CAN'T DEAL WITH
  ANY CRISIS TODAY...

My schedule is already full.

  HAVE A NICE DAY...

(Unless, of course, you've already made other plans.)

  TODAY IS A GIFT...

That's why it is called the present!

IF YOU ARE GROUCHY, IRRITABLE,
  OR JUST PLAIN MEAN...

There will be a $10.00 charge for putting up with you!