IF ONLY LIFE COULD BE
  LIKE A COMPUTER...

You could “hit any key”
to continue life when ready!

DON’T ANNOY THE CRAZY PERSON STARING AT THE
  COMPUTER...

IF BUILDERS BUILT BUILDINGS THE WAY COMPUTER COMPANIES DEVELOP   SOFTWARE...

The first woodpecker that came along
would have destroyed civilization!

BEEN THERE,

  DOWNLOADED THAT...

INSUFFICIENT MEMORY
  AT THIS TIME!

  THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE...

Do you happen to know the URL?

  I’M NOT AT WORK TODAY...

I called in sick; I think I may have caught
a virus from my computer!

THE WORLD’S MOST WIDELY
  USED COMPUTER LANGUAGE...

“@!@!*!*@#*?!!*!#@!”

FAILURE IS NOT AN
  OPTION...

It comes bundled with the software!

 SORRY, I CAN’T DEAL WITH
  ANY CRISIS TODAY...

My schedule is already full.

  TECHNOLOGY...

Is not for wimps!

  NEVER LET YOUR COMPUTER...

Know you are in a hurry!

  THE EMAIL OF THE SPECIES...

Is more deadly than the male!

  don’t make me use uppercase...

SMASH FOREHEAD ON KEYBOARD TO CONTINUE!

  YOU’RE JUST JEALOUS...

That all those voices talk to me!

  I’M ROADKILL...

On the information highway!

MY WIFE THINKS
  I HAVE A MISTRESS...

She thinks her name is Dot-Com!

YOU CAN’T TELL WHICH WAY   THE TRAIN WENT...

By looking at its tracks!

  TO ERR IS HUMAN...

To really foul things up requires a computer!

GIVE ME ENOUGH TIME,
  MEMORY, AND DISK SPACE...

And I can accomplish anything!

HOW LONG IS THAT
  BETA GUY...

Going to be testing our stuff?

REMAIN.COM

A COMPUTER CAN MAKE AS MANY MISTAKES IN TWO
  MINUTES...

As twenty people can make in a lifetime!

  THE INTERNET...

Proves that if a million monkeys bang on a
million typewriters, they will not eventually
reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare!

  THERE IS MORE TO LIFE...

Than increasing its speed!

WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

IT’S HARD TO MAKE A
  PROGRAM FOOLPROOF...

Because fools are so ingenious!

WARNING!

This machine is subject to breakdowns
during periods of critical need!

  I’D LIKE TO HELP YOU OUT...

Which way did you come in?

  I HAVEN’T LOST MY MIND...

It’s backed up on disk somewhere!

  ON THE KEYBOARD OF LIFE...

Always keep one finger on the escape key!

  MY POLICY...

Is always to blame the computer!

EVERYONE BRINGS ME
  HAPPINESS...

Some by arriving. Some by leaving!

WEL.COM

SOMETIMES I THINK I UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING
  ABOUT COMPUTERS...

Then I regain consciousness!

  I’LL BE RIGHT BACK...

Had to take my paycheck to the bank.
It’s too little to go by itself!

  PLEASE DON’T RUSH ME...

I’m making mistakes as fast as I can!

PLEASE, DO NOT ASK ME
  FOR INFORMATION...

If I knew anything,
do you think I would be here?!