THE ONLY CERTAINTY...

Is that nothing is certain!

  "ALWAYS DO RIGHT...

This will gratify some people
and astonish the rest."

...Mark Twain

  TODAY IS A GIFT...

That's why it is called "the present!"

  HYPOCHONDRIA...

The only disease that I don't have!

  "QUIT SMOKING...

On the anniversary of your birth,
not the day of your death."

...Corky Peterson

HE THAT IS HIS
  OWN DOCTOR...

Has a fool for a patient!

  DRIVE CAREFULLY...

It's not only cars that can be recalled
by their maker!

  THE ACT OF GIVING...

Is more important than the merit of the receiver!

WEL.COM

 IT'S NICE TO BE IMPORTANT...

But more important to be nice!

ALWAYS KEEP YOUR WORDS
  SOFT AND SWEET...

Just in case you have to eat them!

IF YOU CAN'T SEE THE
  BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE...

Polish the dull side!

BE YOURSELF!

An original is always worth more than a copy!

THE MOST IMPORTANT
  THINGS IN LIFE...

Aren't really things at all.

  THERE IS MORE TO LIFE...

Than increasing its speed!

NOT GETTING WHAT
  YOU WANT ...

Is sometimes a remarkable stroke of luck!!

BE MODERATE IN
  ALL THINGS...

Especially moderation!

  REACH FOR THE SKY...

Even if you happen to miss,
you'll still be among the stars!

A GOOD EXERCISE FOR
  THE HEART...

Is to bend down and help another up!

THIS ONLY LOOKS
  LIKE A DESK...

It's actually a large trash can
with drawers and four legs.

TREAT EACH DAY AS
  YOUR LAST...

Someday you'll be right!

CAUTION! REPORTS OF MY
KINDNESS AND CONCERN
  FOR YOUR PROBLEMS...

Were supplied by someone whose irrational exuberance got out of control!

  HAVE A NICE DAY...

(Unless, of course, you've already
made other plans.)

NO ONE IS COMPLETELY
  USELESS...

At the very least, you could serve
as a bad example!

YOU MAY BE ONLY ONE
  PERSON IN THE WORLD...

But you may be the world to one person!

BLESSED ARE THOSE WHO
  HUNGER AND THIRST...

They are the ones who are sticking to their diets!

  HAVE YOU CONSIDERED...

Being considerate?

YOU WILL OFTEN BE SORRY FOR
  SAYING A HARSH WORD...

But you will never regret saying a kind one!

I WELCOME YOUR ADVICE
  AND CRITICISM...

And I always rush them through the
proper channels! (one flush usually does it)

  FOR SERVICE...

Ring bell, whistle, shout, scream, whimper,
beg, threaten, grovel, whine... If none of
these seem to work, go away!

  I DO NOT REPEAT GOSSIP...

So listen carefully!

  A CLEAN DESK...

Is the sign of a very sick and disturbed mind!

  I'LL BE RIGHT BACK...

Had to take my paycheck to the bank.
It's too little to go by itself!

  I LIKE LONG WALKS...

Especially when they are taken by
people who annoy me!

  THE BAD NEWS IS...

I am not quite sure of what I am doing.
The good news is—I am almost finished!

  CRISIS IN PROGRESS...

Please do not disturb!

PLEASE DON'T GO
  AWAY MAD...

Just go away!

KWITCHERBELLYACHIN'!