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School Secretary, Vol. I Desk Signs...
Note: Depending on the fonts installed
on your computer, and the way your computer browser is set up, these
desk signs may not display properly.
(Ask for a free 10-pack sample the
next time you place an order. Then you'll be able to see the quality,
and the fun, of these "Desk Signs.")
RELAX AND TAKE HEART...
The only person who ever got all the work
done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe!
DO YOU WANT TO TALK TO
THE MAN IN
CHARGE...
Or, the woman who knows what's going on?
FRIENDLY SCHOOL
SECRETARY...
Thanks for keeping me that way!
I DO NOT REPEAT GOSSIP...
So listen carefully!
MY SHORT-TERM MEMORY...
Ain't what it...something...something...
IF YOU FIND ANY MISTAKES
IN MY WORK...
Please consider that they are there for a
purpose.
I try to please everyone and there is always someone
looking for mistakes!
FOR SERVICE...
Ring bell, whistle, shout, scream, whimper,
beg,
threaten, grovel, whine..if none of these seem
to work,
go away!
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK...
Had to take my paycheck to the bank.
It's
too little to go by itself!
SORRY, LACK OF PLANNING
ON YOUR PART...
Does not make it an emergency on my part!
THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
THIS
PLACE AND THE TITANIC...
They had a band!
I MUST NOT BE BUSY
ENOUGH...
I still have time to panic!
YOU WANT IT WHEN?
IF YOU ARE GROUCHY, IRRITABLE,
OR
JUST PLAIN MEAN...
There will be a $10.00 charge
for putting
up with you!
PARDON ME...
But you have obviously mistaken me for
someone who actually cares about what
you have to say!
MY JOB IS A TEST...
It is only a test. Had it been a real job,
I would
have received raises, promotions, and recognition!
IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR
SOMEBODY WITH
A LITTLE
AUTHORITY...
I've got about as little as anybody!
WARNING!
The "machine" sitting at this desk is subject
to
breakdowns during periods of critical need!
I DON'T MIND THE RAT
RACE AROUND HERE...
But a little more cheese would be nice!
IT'S AMAZING WHAT YOU
CAN ACCOMPLISH...
With a little hard work and a lot of whining!
ASK NOT WHAT YOUR SECRETARY
CAN DO
FOR YOU...
But what you can do for your secretary!
I CAN USUALLY PLEASE ABOUT
TWO PEOPLE
EVERY DAY...
Sorry, but the second one just left!
PLEASE DON'T GO
AWAY MAD...
Just go away!
YOU MEAN...
You want the revised revision of the
original
revised revision revised?
ALL I ASK FOR...
Is a chance to prove that money
can't buy
happiness!
I ALWAYS TRY TO GO
THE EXTRA MILE...
But my boss keeps finding me
and brings me
back!
YOUR SECRETS ARE SAFE...
With me and all my friends!
I PRETEND TO WORK...
They pretend to pay me!
IF YOU DON'T HAVE
ANYTHING
NICE TO
SAY...
Come sit next to me!
YES, MY BOSS COMPLETED
THE IQ TESTS
JUST FINE...
The results were negative!
A CLEAN DESK...
Is the sign of a very sick and disturbed
mind!
THE BAD NEWS IS...
I am not quite sure of what I am doing.
The
good news is—I am almost finished!
OF COURSE I DON'T
LOOK BUSY...
I did it right the first time!
YOU MEAN THAT YOU
WANT ME TO RUSH...
Your rush job ahead of the rush job
I'm rushing
to rush!
THIS ONLY LOOKS LIKE
A DESK...
It's actually a large trash can
with drawers
and four legs!
THE BUCK DOESN'T EVEN
SLOW DOWN HERE!
WEL.COM
DON'T YOU DARE...
Place another thing on this desk!
ABOUT
YOUR REQUEST THAT I GET
THAT PROJECT DONE TODAY...
1. No
way.
2. In your best dreams.
3.
When your office freezes over.
4. Seen any pigs fly lately?
5. Are you sure you're from this planet?
NEW
RATE SCHEDULE...
Somewhat
intelligent answers...
Intelligent answers with sarcasm...
Intelligent answers without sarcasm...
Answers that are almost correct...
$2.00
$3.00
$4.00
$5.00
Stupid looks are still free!
SECRETARY
SURVIVAL TIPS...
If
it rings, put in on hold;
If it clanks, call the custodian;
It it's handwritten, type it;
If it's typed, copy it;
If it's copied, file it;
If it's a friend, take a break
If it's a boss, look busy;
If it's Friday, forget it!
Keep in mind, computer-generated images
don't come close to matching the quality and impact of these 3.5" x
2" Desk Signs sitting in a business-card sized holder on your
desk.
Paperbacks For Educators
426 West Front St.
Washington, Missouri 63090 800-227-2591; Fax 800-514-7323 paperbacks@usmo.com
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