Each business-card-sized (2”
x 3.5”), 40-card set, comes with a plastic holder--just like the business card holders you often see on desks.
The price for each set of 40 cards is $5.00. Here are the various quips and quotes on this set:
IF YOU ARE GROUCHY, IRRITABLE, OR JUST
PLAIN MEAN...
There will be a $10.00 charge for putting up
with you!
PARDON ME...
But you obviously have mistaken me for someone
who actually cares about what you have to say!
MY JOB IS A TEST...
It is only a test. Had it been a real job, I would have received raises, promotions, and recognition!
IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WITH A LITTLE AUTHORITY...
I've got about as little as anybody!
IT'S AMAZING WHAT YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH...
With a little hard work and a lot of whining!
ASK NOT WHAT YOUR SECRETARY CAN DO FOR YOU...
But what you can do for your secretary!
WARNING!
The "machine" sitting at this desk is subject to
breakdowns during periods of critical need!
I DON'T MIND THE RAT RACE AROUND HERE...
But a little more cheese would be nice!
DO YOU WANT TO TALK TO THE MAN IN CHARGE...
Or the woman who knows what's going on?
IF YOU FIND ANY MISTAKES IN MY WORK...
Please consider that they are there for a purpose.
I try to please everyone and there is always someone looking for mistakes.
FOR SERVICE...
Ring bell, whistle, shout, scream, whimper, beg, threaten, grovel, whine...if none of these seem to work, go away!
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK...
Had to take my paycheck to the bank.
It's too little to go by itself!
THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THIS PLACE
AND THE TITANIC...
They had a band!
I MUST NOT BE BUSY ENOUGH...
I still have time to panic!
SORRY, LACK OF PLANNING ON YOUR PART...
Does not make it an emergency on my part!
NEW RATE SCHEDULE...
Someone intelligent answers..............2.00
Intelligent answers with sarcasm........3.00
Intelligent answers without sarcasm....4.00
Answers that are almost correct.........5.00
THE BUCK DOESN'T EVEN SLOW DOWN HERE!
DON'T YOU DARE...
Place another thing on this desk!
YOU WANT IT WHEN?
RELAX AND TAKE HEART...
The only person who ever got all his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe!
I DO NOT REPEAT GOSSIP...
So listen carefully!
MY SHORT-TERM MEMORY...
Ain't what it...something...something...
FRIENDLY SCHOOL SECRETARY...
Thanks for keeping me that way!
SECRETARY SURVIVAL TIPS...
It if rings, put it on hold;
If it clanks, call the custodian;
If it's handwriten, type it;
If it's typed, copy it;
If it's copied, file it;
If it's a friend, take a break;
If it's a boss, look busy;
If it's Friday, forget it!
WEL.COM
I CAN USUALLY PLEASE ABOUT TWO PEOPLE EVERY DAY...
Sorry, but the second one just left!
ABOUT YOUR REQUEST THAT I GET THAT PROJECT DONE TODAY...
Choose your answer from the following:
1. No way.
2. In your best dreams.
3. When your office freezes over.
4. Seen any pigs fly lately?
5. Are you sure you are from this planet?
PLEASE DON'T GO AWAY MAD...
Just go away!
YOUR SECRETS ARE SAFE...
With me and all my friends!
I PRETEND TO WORK...
They pretend to pay me!
ALL I ASK FOR...
Is the chance to prove that money cannot buy happiness!
I ALWAYS TRY TO GO THE EXTRA MILE...
But my boss keeps finding me and brings me back!
IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY...
Come sit next to me!
YES, MY BOSS COMPLETED THE IQ TESTS JUST FINE...
The results were negative!
A CLEAN DESK...
Is the sign of a very sick and disturbed mind!
THE BAD NEWS IS...
I am not quite sure of what I am doing.
The good news is--I am almost finished!
YOU MEAN...
You want the revised revision of the original revised revision revised?
THIS ONLY LOOKS LIKE A DESK...
It's actually a large trash can with drawers and four legs!
OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...
I did it right the first time!
YOU MEAN THAT YOU WANT ME TO RUSH...
Your rush job ahead of the rush job I'm rushing to rush!
Therapeutic Games
ORD
